Needs (part 2) - The Need to Belong

Scripture references –
Matthew 26:69-74 (Peter disowns Jesus)

Have you ever asked yourself why you do the things that you do?
Why did I act like a jerk to that girl? She just wanted to sit at the lunch table with us. She’s not exactly stylish, but that’s okay. Isn’t it?

Why is being accepted by people so important?

We have a need to belong. We need to feel accepted. When that need isn’t met naturally or in a way that we like we do something about it.

In the aftermath of the Columbine shooting, it was said:
“Far too many kids can't make it through American adolescence without detouring to the dark side of our culture and going to war against the world in which they feel so aggrieved, rejected, humiliated and alienated.”

Some people do some pretty extreme things to be accepted by others.
Street Gangs – Chilling gang rituals: slashing defenseless strangers, breaking buddies' bones, raping and murdering innocent girls - these are rights of passage for many teenagers looking towards gang culture for a sense of belonging. The gang culture crosses racial lines and doesn't stop at the city limits. In Marathon County, Wisc., a basement is now a torture chamber, as seen on a video of a gang initiation used as evidence. The tape was seized by deputies who were stunned by the savagery. They were also shocked that these kids called themselves The Gangster Disciples. That is the same name used by an inner-city gang in Houston. In fact, both groups were "jumped into" gang culture by evil emissaries of the real Gangster Disciples, whose home turf is in Chicago. The Wisconsin wannabes were so obsessed with becoming "real" gangsters that they sent a copy of this video to their Chicago mentors to make sure they got everything right. On the Chicago streets, the need to belong was carried to a hideous extreme. A 12-year-old boy, nicknamed Baby Jo-Jo, was desperate to join the Latin Saints street gang because, as he said, "it's so cool." He walked up to two boys, non-gang members, in front of a church and shot them as the church's' minister looked on. Sexual brutality is also implicit in gang rituals and some girls even submit to it willingly. At the insistence of her boyfriend, a gang leader, Sarah was pummeled in the bloody Wisconsin basement. She badly wants to be part of the gang. Neither she nor her boyfriend seems to care that she is pregnant. Another girl is about to be "sexed in" to a gang. It is a ritual so vile that Fox Files can't describe it, much less show it. The girl is barely in her teens. Sadly, even after her sexual humiliation, the girl feels she got off light. "I'm just glad I didn't have to do the other initiation," the unnamed girl explains. "Stab someone up, y'know, or something else."

Story –
Everyday Isabel would walk into the lunchroom during lunch and look. She had finally convinced her mom to brown bag her lunch. Her mom was still using the Barbie lunchbox she got at a garage sale when she was 8. She really wanted her mom to get her on the meal plan, but her mom was already working 2 jobs just to pay the mortgage and the bills. Isabel had 2 pairs of jeans, 3 shirts, and 1 nice dress. She tries her hardest to mix and match the clothes so that people don’t notice that she’s wearing the same pants 2-3 times a week. She’s very shy, and new in school. So she stands at the door of the lunchroom and looks. She is hoping that someone will notice her, and ask her to come and eat with them. But, everyday it is the same. Nobody sees her, and nobody calls her name. She finds a spot against the wall, out of the way, and eats her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She watches the other kids eat and laugh. A fight breaks out on the other side of the room between two guys. A third guy jumps in to protect his friend. Would anyone protect me, she wonders? Would anyone care? She sees the pretty girls eating their pizza and pudding. She wishes she could be like them. Finally, one of them looks at her. Isabel, then realizes that she is talking about her. The girl begins to laugh and then the rest of them look at Isabel and begin to laugh. Isabel thinks to herself, “Oh well, at least they know I exist.”

Weak-legged tripod –
Our lives are like a tripod. Each leg represents a basic need that we have.
(Love; Acceptance; Competence)
The stability of those legs affects what we do and what kind of person we are.
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Breakout Session Guide D.L. stands for Discussion Leader –
Recap –
Last week we talked about our need for love. We looked at what a true and pure love looked like. What were some characteristics of love that we talked about?
D.L. note –
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a ‘Love is…Love NEVER fails.’
The ultimate intent of the Needs series is for the teens to recognize that at some point
love will fail them (whether it is from parents or friends). A love that will not fail is the
love that God has for us through a relationship with him. The intent of this series is not
to discuss the different types of love. The focus is on the fragility of the love that we
seek through human relationship…Try not to spend a lot of time here.

What is the craziest thing that you have ever done to be liked by someone (meanest, kindest)?
D.L. Note –
During this discussion, briefly interject the story of Peter denying Christ.
Matthew 26:69-74. As we are looking towards Palm Sunday and Easter, this story is
appropriate. Follow up the story with a question about them and their friends. Have you
ever pretended not to know hang out with someone or has someone ever done that to
you?

(Question for guys) When was the last time you let your mom kiss you in front of your friends?
D.L. Note –
This question gets at recognizing how we treat other people, because we are looking out
for ourselves and meeting our own needs.

Have you ever encountered someone like Isabel or have you ever been like Isabel? What was that like? How did you feel?