Honor Your Father and Mother

There were four men sitting around a picnic table in the park. They weren’t just four random men, but four generations of men from the same family. The first man was 80 years old. The second man was 58. The third man was 25. The fourth man was only 5. The 5yr old scooted real close to his dad. His dad put his arm around him, and pulled him up into his lap. The 5yr old felt safe and so he relaxed and laid his head on his dad’s chest. Then Grandpa said to dad, “You know, Son, I remember pulling you up into my lap when you were that big. It’s funny how things change as we get older.” Then the Grandpa looked next to him at his own father who was getting much older. He said, “Dad, can you still remember when I was that big?” The old man looked at his son, and in a slow steady voice he said, “Son, I remember the day you were born, and the day that you took your first step. I remember when you got your first tooth. I remember holding your mother on your first day of school. I remember it all just like it was yesterday.” Sitting not too far away on a bench was another man. His head was getting gray. He was sitting alone obviously deep in thought. He had just come from visiting his father at the nursing home. His dad was a belligerent old man who for his entire life had never showed any emotion unless it was anger, rage or bitterness. This man had been emotionally and physically abusive to him as long as he could remember. He thought it would get better as he got older, but it never did. He didn’t know why he bothered caring about the old man anymore. But he did know why. Just before his mother died she asked one thing from him. Look after your father.

The Bible says, Honor your father and mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

That story doesn’t leave you with a good feeling. Does it? In fact, that story almost leaves you with a pit in your stomach. Most of us are probably thinking right now about our families. Some of us could picture ourselves sitting around the picnic table talking to our dads. Some of us were probably thinking about our own children and remembering like it was yesterday. Some of us may be wondering what our dad’s or our mom’s would say if they were sitting around that table. Then, on the other hand, some of us were relating more to the man sitting all alone on the bench. All we remember about our dads are the fits of rage and the abuse. It hurts even now to remember it. We’ve blocked it out of our past, because it’s too painful to deal with the fact the man or the woman who is supposed to protect me and provide for me and love me would hit me or would degrade me by yelling at me as if I were their unworthy slave instead of their son or daughter. They called me names. They would say, “What is wrong with you?” Still there are some of us who never knew our birth mothers or our birth fathers. For whatever reason, they were not around when I was growing up. We all have different stories and memories of our parents, don’t we?

Honor your father and mother.

We are literally smack dab in the middle of our series on growing a strong family. I need to tell you something interesting about being smack dab in the middle of the 10 commandments. I don’t want to take for granted that you know what the 10 commandments are so I’ll briefly tell you the story. God’s chosen people, the Israelites had been enslaved by the Egyptians. God worked through a man named Moses to free them. He then led them across deserts. He provided a large cloud to lead them by day, and a pillar of fire to lead them at night. He led them to the base of a mountain named Mount Sinai. Moses climbed to the top where God spoke to him, and gave him stone tablets. On the tablets were 10 Commandments. The first half of the commandments are focused on our relationship with God, and the reverence and the awe that we must have for Him, because of who He is and who we are. The last half of the commandments is focused on our relationships with one another. So today we look at our families and specifically our relationships with our mothers and our fathers.

I don’t know if you have ever seen Bill Cosby doing his comedy routine on raising kids. He has one section where he’s having a conversation with his son, and he says, “I brought you into this world and I’ll take you out.” I thing he was thinking of Exodus 20:12 – Not the Honor your father and mother part, but the last part, “That your days may be long”. I think it’s funny in the movies (actually probably more like Lifetime shows ‘Yes, I know about Lifetime. I’m married. It comes with the territory.) In these shows the nice, very homely, Christian lady gets really mad, and says, “Well… I never, If I wasn’t a God-fearing woman…” Then there’s the Honeymooners, “Why I oughta….” But you don’t, and that’s probably a very good thing.

Raise your hand if you have ever had one of those moments with your kids.

Growing up, I remember a recurring conversation with my mom or my dad. It was typically with my mom. Actually, it was always my mom, because I can’t remember a single time in my life when I ever lipped off to my dad. My mom would correct me for something that I had done. She would try to talk to me about it. I would get a little upset about the conversation, and begin to go up to my room to do a little bit of sulking. As I would walk out of the room, my mom would say,
“Now don’t get mad about this.”
“I’m not” I would say.
“Yes, you are. I can see it.”
“No, mom. I’m not mad. I’m just going upstairs.”
I really wasn’t mad. I was upset but I was dealing with it
“You have no reason to be mad.”
“I’m not mad”
“Yes, you are”
“No, I’m not”
“Yes, you are”
“Mom, I’m not mad”
“Yes, you are”
“Well, I am now”
Then I would go upstairs. But as I would be heading upstairs, I would hear my mom say, “You can stay in your room and cool down, and wait ‘till your father gets home.”
My youngest brother was waiting in his room once, he knew that he was going to get it. But he had a plan. He put on about 10 pairs of underwear in preparation for the big event. He probably let out some fake tears when the event happened, but my parents never knew about the underwear trick until my mom found 10 pairs of underwear inside eachother in the laundry. We all love that story.

But we’re supposed to honor our parents. That’s an actual command straight from the mouth of God. Here’s what I love about this. He spends all of this time in Exodus 20 explaining what it means to not have any idols, and to not take His name in vain, and to remember the Sabbath and keep it holy, and then comes verse 12.

Honor your father and mother.

That’s followed by: You shall not murder. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness.

God doesn’t find it necessary to explain himself on those. He’s saying, “What about you shall not murder don’t you understand? What about you shall not commit adultery don’t you understand? What about honor your father and mother don’t you understand?”

In Leviticus 19:3, God repeats himself, “Every one of you shall reverence his mother and his father, and you shall keep My Sabbaths.” Why? “Because I said so, “I am the Lord your God.”

It’s ironic isn’t it? What is the most frustrating thing that your child can say when you instruct them to do something besides, “no”? They say, “Why?” They expect you to give them a reason. As parents we don’t appreciate that. We want to respect that they are curious, and they want to understand the reasoning behind our instructions, but we want them to respect us, and do what we ask, because we are the one’s doing the asking. However, when God gives a direct instruction like, “Honor your father and mother” we question, “Why?” He says, because I said so.

So why does this command show up in 10 Commandments?
1. Establishes a foundation for roles in the home
When someone sees an extremely unruly or disobedient child they may make a slighted comment, “Whose the parent here?” That’s because there is a foundation that establishes the roles in the home. What’s more is that it’s just plain common sense. How many of you have ever watched the program Supernanny or Nanny 911. You know exactly what I’m talking about. That’s what the whole show is about. The kids are seemingly out of control, and then the Supernanny comes in and helps mom and dad regain control of their home and set the hierarchy right. The other part of that role structure that isn’t addressed is that the father in that home needs to be honoring God and following Him as He leads his own family through their spiritual journeys. That’s a real humbling thought isn’t it men? That’s not a very easy life inventory to handle sometimes, because of how often we may fall short of that. As men, and as fathers, we have to not only recognize our role in the home as the leader and the head of the household, but as our role as the leader. We have to be following God. If we follow ourselves then we will only result in disaster.
2. Establishes a foundation for respecting authority outside the home
Romans 13:1-2
Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore he who resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God, and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves.

Those are some strong words. Every authority is established by God. Be submissive. Respect and honor the authorities that are over you. That begins with our parents. How many of you have ever heard a little boy or girl say to you, “You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my dad.” “Why I oughta…” That child doesn’t not have a proper understanding or respect for authority. Don’t for a minute think that even if you were his or her dad, that they would do what you asked. There has been a role reversal in that home. I’ve had teens approach me with the wonderful news that they punched or spit at their teacher. They are proud of it. There is something not right about that picture. If I cannot be submissive to and respect and honor my parents inside the home, my clearly God-given authority figures, then I will not be submissive to and respect and honor authorities outside the home.

That’s not a blank check for parents to be tyrants to their children. The Bible also says, “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Every child can honor their father and mother by obeying and respecting them.
Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right”

Every young person can honor their father and mother by accepting and appreciating them.
Let your mom kiss you goodbye at the bus stop.
When she drops you off at school, wave goodbye to her.
Don’t care more about what you think your friends than you care about your mom or your dad.
When your dad wants to try and help you by giving you some pointers on life, listen to him. Don’t get frustrated and shrug him off as if he doesn’t matter.

Proverbs 23:22 says, “Listen to your father who begot you and do not despise your mother when she is old.”

Every adult can honor their father and mother by affirming them and not abandoning them.
1 Timothy 5:8 says If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.
It says that he has denied the faith… That’s pretty serious. What is God saying? He’s saying, “I don’t know what faith you are practicing, but it’s not mine. I don’t abandon my own. I don’t abandon my family.”

A part of my family is Pakistani. My father-in-law is Pakistani. I have never met him, but I have met many of our Pakistani relatives, and I’ve learned some things about their culture from talking to our cousin UnJum. Did you know that the oldest son never leaves the house of his father and mother? His paycheck is given directly to his father. His money goes to support his own family as well as his parents. His parents will live with him and his family until they pass on. I told him that I thought that it was incredible that he was willing to do that. He said back to me, “I’m the oldest son and they are my parents. That’s just how it’s done.”

I recognize that many parents goals are to get their kids out of the house, but what an interesting picture of what it means to honor your parents.

I’m reminded of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane where He prayed to God the Father that He would obey His father, and give His life for you and for me. In Philippians 2 the Bible says that Jesus became obedient to death, specifically death on a cross. Obedient to who? He was obedient to His father.

It’s so easy for us to look at our children and remember things as if it were yesterday. Why do we think that our parents see us any differently than we see our own kids? Follow God’s command and honor your father and your mother.

For some of us it is a privilege to honor our parents. There is no need for instruction in this area. But for others of us it is a heart-wrenching struggle to honor our parents. We think, “God, if only you knew who my parents were, then you would never ask this of me.” But the truth is that He does know and still he asks this of you. Many times obedience to God’s commands means that I have to surrender my desires to him, and replace them with His desires for my life. Surrendering our wills to God requires us to trust Him. Before we can surrender, we must trust. An authentic faith in God is having confidence that God is who He says He is, and that He will do everything that He has said He will do. Our small groups will begin looking at what it means to surrender our lives to Christ this week in our new small group series.
John 10:10 – I have come that you might have life, and that you might have it abundantly.

I have come that you might have a good life. A good life is a life that is lived according to the purposes that we were created for, a life that is following God’s commands and Jesus’ example. It begins with having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Through that relationship, we receive the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives. That power enables us to follow Him, and to take the next step on our Spiritual journey.

Maybe your next visit to the nursing home will be different. Maybe the next time your mom asks you to take out the trash, you will do it. Maybe you’ll even do it before you’re asked. I don’t know what this looks like in each of your lives, but I do know that we are commanded to honor our fathers and mothers, and that God says it’s important that we do that.