Two birds were singing in an oak tree one Sunday morning. It was about 3am. Most people were sound asleep, and they couldn’t hear the birds, but there were 2 people who heard the birds loud and clear. They knew that the birds chirping meant that the morning had arrived, and their parents would realize that they weren’t at home in their beds where they were supposed to be. Jimmy started the car and drove Liz home.
They were both a little embarrassed by the night before. Liz had never been in that situation before. She was 15years old, and she wasn’t sure what to think about what had happened. She had liked Jimmy for about a year. Finally, Jimmy asked her out. They went to the movie theater, but she doesn’t remember what the movie was. She doesn’t even remember watching. She was too busy with Jimmy to know what was going on around her. It was obvious that Jimmy hadn’t intended on watching the movie. She wondered why he agreed to watch a chick-flick with her. On their way home, Jimmy pulled over and parked the car in an obscure out of the way parking lot. He laid out a blanket on the grass, and pulled out some sandwiches and Dr. Pepper. They laid down on the blanket and looked up at the stars for at least an hour. But that hour wasn’t just spent watching the stars in the sky. Everything had happened so fast. The next thing she knew the birds were chirping.
Jimmy was just doing what his friends told him he should do on the date to make it really romantic and meaningful. She’ll love it, and so will you… He had never been in that situation before either.
When Liz got home, she snuck through the front door and up to her bedroom to crawl into bed. She felt a body in her bed, and it made her jump. Then the body spoke, “Liz, what time is it?” It was her mom.
What happened that night between Liz and Jimmy? Why were they embarrassed? What will it be like when they see each other at school on Monday? How will Liz answer her mom’s questions? What is sexual purity and why is it important?
Purity paves the way for Intimacy. The greater your level of purity, the greater the level of real intimacy that you will be able to experience with your future husband or wife.
Sex isn’t something that’s talked about in settings like this often. It’s something that people talk about quite frequently in other settings though. Chat rooms are full of sexual innuendos, and slighted solicitations for sex. There are websites whose sole purpose is to rate how sexable people are. Many people want to be sexually appealing to other people. Who would you ‘do’ it you had the chance?
The sex that is communicated most often in our society is a past-time. It’s a lifestyle. It’s the way that we are supposed to be. It’s just what we do. The term ‘friends with benefits’ has become common and accepted as a lifestyle. Some of us set up boundaries for how far we will go, but we base those boundaries on what is comfortable for us, and what we think is ok and what we think is not ok. We know the consequences of premarital sex, but we dismiss them.
I have prepared a questionnaire for you to respond to and discuss in your Breakout Sessions. Be honest with your answers.
Showing posts with label Teen Talks - 7 Checkpoints: Moral Boundaries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Teen Talks - 7 Checkpoints: Moral Boundaries. Show all posts
Saturday, March 3, 2007
7 Checkpoints: Moral Boundaries - Sexual Purity (Teen Questionaire)
Define Sexual Purity in your own words (what does it mean to be sexually pure?)
Does sexual purity matter? What’s the big deal with remaining sexually pure?
What is a virgin?
Is it reasonable to expect us to remain virgins until we are married?
How do you respond to these quotes?
Educators who tell teenagers that sex is just part of growing up and that it can be a "loving and learning" experience outside of marriage don't understand that men and women are created by God "in His image" and are not the result of an amoral, animalistic, evolutionary process. God teaches that sex outside of marriage is wrong and that there will be consequences for such actions."(John Ankerberg & John Weldon, The Myth of Safe Sex)
RESPONSE-
"Purity doesn't happen by accident; it requires obedience to God. But this obedience is not burdensome or overbearing. Impurity is a grimy film that coats the soul, a shadow that blocks light and darkens our countenance. Without purity, God's gift of sexuality becomes a destruction game. A relationship devoid of purity is soon reduced to nothing more than two bodies grasping at and demanding pleasure. Without purity, the mind becomes a slave to depravity, tossed about by every sinful craving and imagination."(Joshua Harris ... I Kissed Dating Goodbye (A New Attitude Toward Romance and Relationships)
RESPONSE-
Our society is starving for intimacy. And many of the lies we believe in our culture have to do with our hunger for relationship. We want acceptance, loving relationships and deep intimacy, and yet we believe the lie that sex will satisfy our hunger. It's true that we are profoundly sexual beings, but it's time to examine some of the lies we feast on: the lie that premarital sex is one of our unalienable rights, the lie that sexual intercourse is the route to intimacy, and the lie that premarital abstinence is obsolete at best and repressive at worst.
RESPONSE-
Does sexual purity matter? What’s the big deal with remaining sexually pure?
What is a virgin?
Is it reasonable to expect us to remain virgins until we are married?
How do you respond to these quotes?
Educators who tell teenagers that sex is just part of growing up and that it can be a "loving and learning" experience outside of marriage don't understand that men and women are created by God "in His image" and are not the result of an amoral, animalistic, evolutionary process. God teaches that sex outside of marriage is wrong and that there will be consequences for such actions."(John Ankerberg & John Weldon, The Myth of Safe Sex)
RESPONSE-
"Purity doesn't happen by accident; it requires obedience to God. But this obedience is not burdensome or overbearing. Impurity is a grimy film that coats the soul, a shadow that blocks light and darkens our countenance. Without purity, God's gift of sexuality becomes a destruction game. A relationship devoid of purity is soon reduced to nothing more than two bodies grasping at and demanding pleasure. Without purity, the mind becomes a slave to depravity, tossed about by every sinful craving and imagination."(Joshua Harris ... I Kissed Dating Goodbye (A New Attitude Toward Romance and Relationships)
RESPONSE-
Our society is starving for intimacy. And many of the lies we believe in our culture have to do with our hunger for relationship. We want acceptance, loving relationships and deep intimacy, and yet we believe the lie that sex will satisfy our hunger. It's true that we are profoundly sexual beings, but it's time to examine some of the lies we feast on: the lie that premarital sex is one of our unalienable rights, the lie that sexual intercourse is the route to intimacy, and the lie that premarital abstinence is obsolete at best and repressive at worst.
RESPONSE-
7 Checkpoints: Moral Boundaries - Thought Life (part 4)
I don’t want to be funny tonight. I want to be serious. I want to share something from my heart to your heart.
When we started on this topic of our thought life the focus really was supposed to be on sex, and how it impacts our thoughts and our purity.
We ended up somewhere a little more different. It was a place that was a little bit more scary and more intense and full of honesty.
I have these questionnaires that you guys filled out last week. Some of you were bold enough to hand these in. This was an anonymous exercise. Your anonymity is safe. Some of you didn’t hand yours in, and that’s completely ok.
I read through the ones that I received. It really hurt my heart to read the things that are on your minds. I really hurt for you. I was still thinking about everything the next day as I was driving into work, and I felt emotionally overwhelmed by what you guys carry around with you everyday.
Then I thought about those of you who didn’t turn yours in. Either you didn’t know that you could turn them in or you were too embarrassed to turn them in.
I need everyone to know that The Grip is not a place of shame. The Grip is a place that you can find relief from your shame. You are free to just BE here.
This is why: We have a desire to reflect Jesus Christ here, and that’s what he’s like.
If you read about His time here in the New Testament of the Bible you will see very quickly that He was not about making people feel bad about themselves.
John 10:10
I have come that you might have life, and that you might have it abundantly
The papers that I read this week weren’t that. They were filled with despair and hopelessness and confusion. Jesus came that we would have a good life
1 Peter 5:7
Cast your cares upon Him for He cares for you
How do I know that?
Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down His life for His friends
John 3:16
Knowing the mind of God – having the Spirit of God
When we started on this topic of our thought life the focus really was supposed to be on sex, and how it impacts our thoughts and our purity.
We ended up somewhere a little more different. It was a place that was a little bit more scary and more intense and full of honesty.
I have these questionnaires that you guys filled out last week. Some of you were bold enough to hand these in. This was an anonymous exercise. Your anonymity is safe. Some of you didn’t hand yours in, and that’s completely ok.
I read through the ones that I received. It really hurt my heart to read the things that are on your minds. I really hurt for you. I was still thinking about everything the next day as I was driving into work, and I felt emotionally overwhelmed by what you guys carry around with you everyday.
Then I thought about those of you who didn’t turn yours in. Either you didn’t know that you could turn them in or you were too embarrassed to turn them in.
I need everyone to know that The Grip is not a place of shame. The Grip is a place that you can find relief from your shame. You are free to just BE here.
This is why: We have a desire to reflect Jesus Christ here, and that’s what he’s like.
If you read about His time here in the New Testament of the Bible you will see very quickly that He was not about making people feel bad about themselves.
John 10:10
I have come that you might have life, and that you might have it abundantly
The papers that I read this week weren’t that. They were filled with despair and hopelessness and confusion. Jesus came that we would have a good life
1 Peter 5:7
Cast your cares upon Him for He cares for you
How do I know that?
Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down His life for His friends
John 3:16
Knowing the mind of God – having the Spirit of God
7 Checkpoints: Moral Boundaries - Thought Life (part 3)
Maximum Purity = Maximum Intimacy
What do you think of when I say, Intimate?
I’m talking about closeness. It is an absence of barriers or walls in a relationship. When you have impurity in your life, it breeds shame, we don’t want people to get too close when we have something that we don’t want them to know about.
The level of purity that you have in your life will determine the closeness that you will have with others.
As promised, tonight we will be talking about our thought lives…
We are mainly influenced by 3 things: Ourselves (Our own capacity to do wrong), The World (society, culture, etc.), and Satan.
Our focus is on establishing and maintaining godly moral boundaries, even in what we think about. So, how do we set limits to the things that we think about? Is that even possible? If so, then how? (Change – Environment, Heart, Mind, Life)
Maximum purity = Maximum Intimacy (How committed to purity are you?)
Scripture Guide:
Philippians 4:8
…Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let you mind dwell on these things.
Psalm 119:9-10
How shall a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your word. I seek You with all of my heart do not let me stray from Your commands.
Matthew 15:17-20
Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is eliminated?
But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, sexual impurity, thefts, lies, slanders.
These are the things that defile the man.
What do you think of when I say, Intimate?
I’m talking about closeness. It is an absence of barriers or walls in a relationship. When you have impurity in your life, it breeds shame, we don’t want people to get too close when we have something that we don’t want them to know about.
The level of purity that you have in your life will determine the closeness that you will have with others.
As promised, tonight we will be talking about our thought lives…
We are mainly influenced by 3 things: Ourselves (Our own capacity to do wrong), The World (society, culture, etc.), and Satan.
Our focus is on establishing and maintaining godly moral boundaries, even in what we think about. So, how do we set limits to the things that we think about? Is that even possible? If so, then how? (Change – Environment, Heart, Mind, Life)
Maximum purity = Maximum Intimacy (How committed to purity are you?)
Scripture Guide:
Philippians 4:8
…Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let you mind dwell on these things.
Psalm 119:9-10
How shall a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your word. I seek You with all of my heart do not let me stray from Your commands.
Matthew 15:17-20
Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is eliminated?
But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, sexual impurity, thefts, lies, slanders.
These are the things that defile the man.
7 Checkpoints: Moral Boundaries - Thought Life (part 2)
Philippians 4:8
…Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let you mind dwell on these things.
Who knows what B.O. is? B.O. is short for body odor. It is a smell that typically originates in the underarms of a person. It doesn’t have to be smelly armpits to be B.O. It can be a smelly bottom that wasn’t properly cared for.
I want to tell you about 2 people and 1 situation.
1) Smelly Steve. I felt really bad for Steve. I think that he was a Senior when I was a Freshman. He smelled. He never really did his hair. People at school would make fun of him to the point that he had a nickname. Apparently, Steve didn’t mind the smell.
2) Ernst. Ernst was an older man that I worked with a couple of years ago. He would come into work and some days when he would walk by me I would have to hold my breath, and sometimes go to an entirely different area to get away from the smell. Apparently, Ernst didn’t mind the smell.
They must have smelled it, right? How could it be that I would almost gag when he walked by, but He was able to live with the smell all day long? His wife lived with the smell? How? What could be done about that odor?
1) The situation: I was in 6th grade. It was time to go to lunch. Apparently, the teacher smelled or heard something? I still don’t know what exactly happened. Mr. Slaughtervick would not allow us to leave the classroom until someone admitted to creating the smell that he smelled. I really had to go to the bathroom. So I raised my hand? (I had no idea what was going on). He said, “John, are you the one who’s smelling up this room?” I said, “No. I put on my deoderant this morning.” He said,”Most people don’t put deoderant on down there.” I was completely embarrassed, and then he let me go to the bathroom. I don’t think he did ever find out who smelled up the room.
Could I have 2 volunteers:
Walk by me and pretend that I smell and show us how you would react….
Sometimes the things that we think about are nasty. They smell really bad. This talk is about establishing boundaries on what you think about, on what you allow your mind to dwell on. There are certain things that impact what we think about.
Music
TV
DJ’s
Friends
Magazines
Pictures
The Bible is saying that we need to be intentional about what we think about.
…Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let you mind dwell on these things.
Who knows what B.O. is? B.O. is short for body odor. It is a smell that typically originates in the underarms of a person. It doesn’t have to be smelly armpits to be B.O. It can be a smelly bottom that wasn’t properly cared for.
I want to tell you about 2 people and 1 situation.
1) Smelly Steve. I felt really bad for Steve. I think that he was a Senior when I was a Freshman. He smelled. He never really did his hair. People at school would make fun of him to the point that he had a nickname. Apparently, Steve didn’t mind the smell.
2) Ernst. Ernst was an older man that I worked with a couple of years ago. He would come into work and some days when he would walk by me I would have to hold my breath, and sometimes go to an entirely different area to get away from the smell. Apparently, Ernst didn’t mind the smell.
They must have smelled it, right? How could it be that I would almost gag when he walked by, but He was able to live with the smell all day long? His wife lived with the smell? How? What could be done about that odor?
1) The situation: I was in 6th grade. It was time to go to lunch. Apparently, the teacher smelled or heard something? I still don’t know what exactly happened. Mr. Slaughtervick would not allow us to leave the classroom until someone admitted to creating the smell that he smelled. I really had to go to the bathroom. So I raised my hand? (I had no idea what was going on). He said, “John, are you the one who’s smelling up this room?” I said, “No. I put on my deoderant this morning.” He said,”Most people don’t put deoderant on down there.” I was completely embarrassed, and then he let me go to the bathroom. I don’t think he did ever find out who smelled up the room.
Could I have 2 volunteers:
Walk by me and pretend that I smell and show us how you would react….
Sometimes the things that we think about are nasty. They smell really bad. This talk is about establishing boundaries on what you think about, on what you allow your mind to dwell on. There are certain things that impact what we think about.
Music
TV
DJ’s
Friends
Magazines
Pictures
The Bible is saying that we need to be intentional about what we think about.
7 Checkpoints: Moral Boundaries - Thought Life (part 1)
Checkpoint #3 – Moral Boundaries
Principle – Purity paves the way to Intimacy
Critical Question – Are you establishing and maintaining godly moral boundaries?
Key passage – 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you His Holy Spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
Genesis 2:21-24
So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Proverbs 28:26
He who trusts himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe
Ephesians 5:15
Be very careful, then, how you live, not as unwise but as wise
Matthew 7:24-27
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.
Proverbs 4:23
Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips
Psalm 119:9-10
How shall a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your word. I seek You with all of my heart do not let me stray from Your commands.
Sarah and Gretchen were supposed to go to the movies last night, and Gretchen had promised her that she would go with her when she had finished her homework. Gretchen finished up her geometry and was on the way out the door, when her mom stopped her to ask her about the school dance that was coming up in two weeks. Gretchen had told Mike that she would go with him to the school dance. (Enter Mike – Mike was the most popular guy in school. He had it all together; fast car, nice hair, perfect tan, proportionately muscular). Most of the girls at school were hoping that he would ask them out. Unfortunately for the other girls, Mike didn’t. He asked Gretchen. The problem was that her mom had never met Mike or his parents, and that was a big ‘no-no’. So the conversation went like this:
MOM: Are you going with Billy to the dance? I like Billy. He’s a good boy. You should bring him around more often.
GRETCHEN: No. I’m not going with Billy. I’m going with Mike.
MOM: Wait a minute. Who’s Mike? I don’t think I know Mike? Have I ever met Mike?
GRETCHEN: No. You haven’t, but you can trust me. He’s a “good boy”, too. He asked me last week, and I couldn’t say no. He’s the hottest guy in school. Besides, it’s not like we’re getting married or anything. We’re just going to a stupid dance. What’s the big deal?
MOM: The big deal is that you and I had an agreement. You wouldn’t go out with any guys unless I have met him and his parents. That’s important to me.
GRETCHEN: So I guess my life and what I want doesn’t count then does it? Why do you have to make my life so difficult? I’m going to the dance with Mike whether you like it or not.
MOM: No you aren’t. If that’s your attitude, then you’re not going at all. You can stay home, and if Mike still wants to be with you, then he can come over here for dinner. I will not tolerate that tone of voice, either. It’s disrespectful and inappropriate. So, you can call your friend, Sarah, and let her know that she will be on her own tonight.
Gretchen looked at her mom, and thought to herself, “I hate you.”
How many of you have ever had a situation like that in your house? How many of you have ever thought something like that about your mom or dad?
It had been raining for hours, and my brother and I were working with my grandfather one summer in Florida. We were laying grass around a pond on his property. One section of grass weighs about 5lbs. I loaded my wheelbarrow up to the point that my wheel went flat. I picked up the handles and began to push the wheelbarrow around the pond through the mud. I got about 50ft, and I was in pain. I had messed up my back (14 yrs old and I had a bad back already). I spent the rest of the summer laying on my back with hot pads and soaking in the bathtub. Meanwhile, my brother continued working for my grandpa throughout the rest of the summer. When we got back to my home in Michigan, my grandpa paid us for the work that we had done. He gave my brother $1000 and he gave me $500. I took it and said, “Thanks”, but inside I was a little ball of rage just waiting to explode. I got up to my room as fast as I could, and I let loose (quietly). I can tell you that loosing it quietly looks ridiculous. Loosing it loudly looks equally ridiculous. I was so mad that tears were coming down my face. It wasn’t fair. You’re my grandpa, how can you give him twice as much as me? In that moment, I hated him for it.
I don’t think that he ever knew about it, but I sure did. Guess who else did? God did. God saw everything that I was doing “quietly”. He heard every thought that I was thinking.
Our thoughts are so hugely important to God. What you think about is just as important as what you actually say and do. We fantasize about different things. We create alternate realities that we can escape to when real life feels like it’s getting too tough.
Psalm 94:11 says “The Lord knows the thoughts of man”
Matthew 15:17-20
Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is eliminated?
But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, sexual impurity, thefts, lies, slanders.
These are the things that defile the man.
Last year when we talked about having moral boundaries, we focused on your relationships with the opposite sex. What are you going to do when he or she wants a kiss, how about when they want a little bit more? How about when you want a little bit more? Have you established boundaries to help you remain pure? That was mainly focused on staying pure physically. These next few weeks we are going to discover what it means to establish moral boundaries in your thought life. We’ll talk about that secret place in your head that no one else knows about, only you and God. Sometimes we think about things and dwell on things that mess up our mind so bad. I think that this is going to be an extremely important discussion for you to be a part of. You never know what you might take away. It may just change your life.
------------------------------------------------------
Breakout Session Guide -
Have you ever experienced “hate” thoughts toward anybody? What was the situation that led up to that?
Have you ever done anything wrong that noone else knew about, only you? What could have the consequences have been? Is it possible that anyone was hurt by what you did? Are our thoughts that no one knows about have the ability to cause damage even if no one knows about them?
Bad thoughts towards others act as a barrier to a relationship with that other person. They also cause stress for you. Not to mention that we are told to ‘love others’.
What are some ‘secret thoughts’ that teens have that may not be considered good thoughts?
What does your thought life have to do with moral boundaries?
Principle – Purity paves the way to Intimacy
Critical Question – Are you establishing and maintaining godly moral boundaries?
Key passage – 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you His Holy Spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
Genesis 2:21-24
So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Proverbs 28:26
He who trusts himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe
Ephesians 5:15
Be very careful, then, how you live, not as unwise but as wise
Matthew 7:24-27
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.
Proverbs 4:23
Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips
Psalm 119:9-10
How shall a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your word. I seek You with all of my heart do not let me stray from Your commands.
Sarah and Gretchen were supposed to go to the movies last night, and Gretchen had promised her that she would go with her when she had finished her homework. Gretchen finished up her geometry and was on the way out the door, when her mom stopped her to ask her about the school dance that was coming up in two weeks. Gretchen had told Mike that she would go with him to the school dance. (Enter Mike – Mike was the most popular guy in school. He had it all together; fast car, nice hair, perfect tan, proportionately muscular). Most of the girls at school were hoping that he would ask them out. Unfortunately for the other girls, Mike didn’t. He asked Gretchen. The problem was that her mom had never met Mike or his parents, and that was a big ‘no-no’. So the conversation went like this:
MOM: Are you going with Billy to the dance? I like Billy. He’s a good boy. You should bring him around more often.
GRETCHEN: No. I’m not going with Billy. I’m going with Mike.
MOM: Wait a minute. Who’s Mike? I don’t think I know Mike? Have I ever met Mike?
GRETCHEN: No. You haven’t, but you can trust me. He’s a “good boy”, too. He asked me last week, and I couldn’t say no. He’s the hottest guy in school. Besides, it’s not like we’re getting married or anything. We’re just going to a stupid dance. What’s the big deal?
MOM: The big deal is that you and I had an agreement. You wouldn’t go out with any guys unless I have met him and his parents. That’s important to me.
GRETCHEN: So I guess my life and what I want doesn’t count then does it? Why do you have to make my life so difficult? I’m going to the dance with Mike whether you like it or not.
MOM: No you aren’t. If that’s your attitude, then you’re not going at all. You can stay home, and if Mike still wants to be with you, then he can come over here for dinner. I will not tolerate that tone of voice, either. It’s disrespectful and inappropriate. So, you can call your friend, Sarah, and let her know that she will be on her own tonight.
Gretchen looked at her mom, and thought to herself, “I hate you.”
How many of you have ever had a situation like that in your house? How many of you have ever thought something like that about your mom or dad?
It had been raining for hours, and my brother and I were working with my grandfather one summer in Florida. We were laying grass around a pond on his property. One section of grass weighs about 5lbs. I loaded my wheelbarrow up to the point that my wheel went flat. I picked up the handles and began to push the wheelbarrow around the pond through the mud. I got about 50ft, and I was in pain. I had messed up my back (14 yrs old and I had a bad back already). I spent the rest of the summer laying on my back with hot pads and soaking in the bathtub. Meanwhile, my brother continued working for my grandpa throughout the rest of the summer. When we got back to my home in Michigan, my grandpa paid us for the work that we had done. He gave my brother $1000 and he gave me $500. I took it and said, “Thanks”, but inside I was a little ball of rage just waiting to explode. I got up to my room as fast as I could, and I let loose (quietly). I can tell you that loosing it quietly looks ridiculous. Loosing it loudly looks equally ridiculous. I was so mad that tears were coming down my face. It wasn’t fair. You’re my grandpa, how can you give him twice as much as me? In that moment, I hated him for it.
I don’t think that he ever knew about it, but I sure did. Guess who else did? God did. God saw everything that I was doing “quietly”. He heard every thought that I was thinking.
Our thoughts are so hugely important to God. What you think about is just as important as what you actually say and do. We fantasize about different things. We create alternate realities that we can escape to when real life feels like it’s getting too tough.
Psalm 94:11 says “The Lord knows the thoughts of man”
Matthew 15:17-20
Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is eliminated?
But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, sexual impurity, thefts, lies, slanders.
These are the things that defile the man.
Last year when we talked about having moral boundaries, we focused on your relationships with the opposite sex. What are you going to do when he or she wants a kiss, how about when they want a little bit more? How about when you want a little bit more? Have you established boundaries to help you remain pure? That was mainly focused on staying pure physically. These next few weeks we are going to discover what it means to establish moral boundaries in your thought life. We’ll talk about that secret place in your head that no one else knows about, only you and God. Sometimes we think about things and dwell on things that mess up our mind so bad. I think that this is going to be an extremely important discussion for you to be a part of. You never know what you might take away. It may just change your life.
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Breakout Session Guide -
Have you ever experienced “hate” thoughts toward anybody? What was the situation that led up to that?
Have you ever done anything wrong that noone else knew about, only you? What could have the consequences have been? Is it possible that anyone was hurt by what you did? Are our thoughts that no one knows about have the ability to cause damage even if no one knows about them?
Bad thoughts towards others act as a barrier to a relationship with that other person. They also cause stress for you. Not to mention that we are told to ‘love others’.
What are some ‘secret thoughts’ that teens have that may not be considered good thoughts?
What does your thought life have to do with moral boundaries?
7 Checkpoints: Moral Boundaries - Sex
Sex is a very good thing. God created sex. Sex was God’s idea. Where do we find out about sex?
Radio Personalities
Magazines
Porn sites
Movies
TV
Friends
Sex Education
Most of you by now think you know a little bit about sex.
Sex can be unbelievably fulfilling (and fun) – (ppt.party favors). Or sex can leave a person feeling used and empty (ppt.flat tire/dirty diaper). Which one do you suppose that God intended?
Where do babies come from (don’t say ‘test tubes’)? Babies come from a man and a woman having sex. I know this is gross, but you wouldn’t be here if your mom and dad didn’t have sex. (mom fade in/dad fade in/baby fade in)
But, God intended sex to be amazing. It is probably the greatest most fulfilling thing that you will ever do.
I want to tell you a story about a dad and his three sons. Their mom was away visiting their sister at college. One night the dad and the boys were all sitting in the living room and talking about mom. Dad made some brownies. The boys loved Dad’s brownies. They were always perfect. They melted in your mouth. The boys couldn’t wait to dig in to the brownies. The dad had something else on his mind, though. His oldest boy had a girlfriend and his other two were reaching that age. It was time for the ‘sex talk’. The boys knew that mom and dad had a great relationship. They were comfortable with eachother. They obviously loved eachother. So their dad simply told them this, “If you want to have as good a relationship with your wife as your mother and I have, then you will wait until you are married to experience sex. Now how about those brownies.” Then he said, “Before you eat them, I need to confess something. When I was mixing the brownies, I carried the bowl outside while I went to get the mail. I tripped and dropped the brownie mix in a fresh pile of doggie doo. But don’t worry, I think I got most of it out.” One by one the boys scooted away from the brownies. Then the dad said, “If you mix your brownie mix with doggy doo, no matter how much, it just won’t be the same as what your mom and I have.”
God designed sex to be an amazing thing for a husband and a wife to experience together for the first time. So why wait? One word – Intimacy (ppt.Intimacy)
Intimacy is the joy of knowing someone completely and being known by that person with no fear of rejection. You don’t have to think about, “what happens in the morning?” If I let this guy touch me, then …
How do I get intimacy? One word – Purity (ppt.Purity)
Maximum purity = Maximum intimacy (ppt.)
Impurity erodes your capacity to experience intimacy, and because of that it
Maximum purity = Maximum intimacy = Maximum sexual satisfaction
Maximum impurity = Minimum intimacy = Minimum sexual satisfaction
Purity paves the way for intimacy
Girls: You don’t really want sex. What you want is intimacy. You want to meet a guy, fall in love, and know that you can trust that person completely. You want to share everything there is to know about you without fear of betrayal or rejection. You want to know that person fully and be fully known. What you are after is intimacy, not sex!
Sex is not just physical; it is relational.
Read Genesis …
When Adam and Eve had sex, they didn’t just ‘have sex’. They became one flesh. There is something mysterious and spiritual about that experience. It’s not something you have any control over. The Bible says, “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?”
It is impossible to simply have sex.
When you participate in sex outside of marriage, you forfeit the opportunity to become uniquely one with your future husband or wife.
With every sexual encounter, you decrease the significance of sex with your future partner.
God is not against sex. He created it. He is not against teenagers. He created you, too. God isn’t against you having sex. He just wants you to wait for marriage.
---------------------------------------------------------
Breakout Session Guide D.L. stands for Discussion Leader -
When you hear the word “sex”, what do you think of?
DL notes: This is kind of a broad question. When should it happen? When does it happen? Why does it happen?
What are you feeling right now (are you grossed out, are you excited, is it something that you look forward to or is it something that you are afraid of)?
DL notes: Don’t let them get hung up on this one for too long, but you are looking for what their perspective is right now on sex.
How many of you have had conversations with your parents or friends about sex?
DL notes: If the answer is yes, then what did they say (Parents and Friends both). If the answer is no, then why not?
Where do you get your information about what sex is about? (TV, movies, friends, magazines)
DL notes: Try and find out what their impression of sex is from what they hear and observe from these resources.
What do you think sex is about?
DL notes: Another way to ask this question would be: Why have sex? What is so great about sex?
Radio Personalities
Magazines
Porn sites
Movies
TV
Friends
Sex Education
Most of you by now think you know a little bit about sex.
Sex can be unbelievably fulfilling (and fun) – (ppt.party favors). Or sex can leave a person feeling used and empty (ppt.flat tire/dirty diaper). Which one do you suppose that God intended?
Where do babies come from (don’t say ‘test tubes’)? Babies come from a man and a woman having sex. I know this is gross, but you wouldn’t be here if your mom and dad didn’t have sex. (mom fade in/dad fade in/baby fade in)
But, God intended sex to be amazing. It is probably the greatest most fulfilling thing that you will ever do.
I want to tell you a story about a dad and his three sons. Their mom was away visiting their sister at college. One night the dad and the boys were all sitting in the living room and talking about mom. Dad made some brownies. The boys loved Dad’s brownies. They were always perfect. They melted in your mouth. The boys couldn’t wait to dig in to the brownies. The dad had something else on his mind, though. His oldest boy had a girlfriend and his other two were reaching that age. It was time for the ‘sex talk’. The boys knew that mom and dad had a great relationship. They were comfortable with eachother. They obviously loved eachother. So their dad simply told them this, “If you want to have as good a relationship with your wife as your mother and I have, then you will wait until you are married to experience sex. Now how about those brownies.” Then he said, “Before you eat them, I need to confess something. When I was mixing the brownies, I carried the bowl outside while I went to get the mail. I tripped and dropped the brownie mix in a fresh pile of doggie doo. But don’t worry, I think I got most of it out.” One by one the boys scooted away from the brownies. Then the dad said, “If you mix your brownie mix with doggy doo, no matter how much, it just won’t be the same as what your mom and I have.”
God designed sex to be an amazing thing for a husband and a wife to experience together for the first time. So why wait? One word – Intimacy (ppt.Intimacy)
Intimacy is the joy of knowing someone completely and being known by that person with no fear of rejection. You don’t have to think about, “what happens in the morning?” If I let this guy touch me, then …
How do I get intimacy? One word – Purity (ppt.Purity)
Maximum purity = Maximum intimacy (ppt.)
Impurity erodes your capacity to experience intimacy, and because of that it
Maximum purity = Maximum intimacy = Maximum sexual satisfaction
Maximum impurity = Minimum intimacy = Minimum sexual satisfaction
Purity paves the way for intimacy
Girls: You don’t really want sex. What you want is intimacy. You want to meet a guy, fall in love, and know that you can trust that person completely. You want to share everything there is to know about you without fear of betrayal or rejection. You want to know that person fully and be fully known. What you are after is intimacy, not sex!
Sex is not just physical; it is relational.
Read Genesis …
When Adam and Eve had sex, they didn’t just ‘have sex’. They became one flesh. There is something mysterious and spiritual about that experience. It’s not something you have any control over. The Bible says, “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?”
It is impossible to simply have sex.
When you participate in sex outside of marriage, you forfeit the opportunity to become uniquely one with your future husband or wife.
With every sexual encounter, you decrease the significance of sex with your future partner.
God is not against sex. He created it. He is not against teenagers. He created you, too. God isn’t against you having sex. He just wants you to wait for marriage.
---------------------------------------------------------
Breakout Session Guide D.L. stands for Discussion Leader -
When you hear the word “sex”, what do you think of?
DL notes: This is kind of a broad question. When should it happen? When does it happen? Why does it happen?
What are you feeling right now (are you grossed out, are you excited, is it something that you look forward to or is it something that you are afraid of)?
DL notes: Don’t let them get hung up on this one for too long, but you are looking for what their perspective is right now on sex.
How many of you have had conversations with your parents or friends about sex?
DL notes: If the answer is yes, then what did they say (Parents and Friends both). If the answer is no, then why not?
Where do you get your information about what sex is about? (TV, movies, friends, magazines)
DL notes: Try and find out what their impression of sex is from what they hear and observe from these resources.
What do you think sex is about?
DL notes: Another way to ask this question would be: Why have sex? What is so great about sex?
7 Checkpoints: Moral Boundaries - So Who's Right, Anyways?
What is truth?
If you step out of a plane, what direction will you go (up or down)?
Isaac Newton got hit on the head with an apple and discovered the law of gravity which will pull your body down towards the earth.
If I were to hold you by the hands and twirl you around, what would happen if I let go? Would you continue to go around in circles or would you go in a straight line?
The law of centripetal force would force your body to go in a straight line.
If I were to buy a loaf of bread, and let it sit out for a month would you eat it?
The 3rd law of Thermo Dynamics says that everything deteriorates as it ages.
Would you agree with this statement:
What is right for one person in any given situation might not be right for another person? Just because something is wrong for you, doesn’t mean it’s wrong for me.
Do you know anyone who is color blind?
Both of my brothers-in-law are color blind. There are two colors that look the same to him. He sees red and orange as the same, and he sees brown and green as the same.
What color is this (PPT)?
Would I be correct in saying that he is wrong when he calls green, brown or when he calls red, orange?
How about when we are playing a game that requires you to know the difference between the two? In Phase 10, the cards are green, yellow, red, and orange. You have to create a hand of 7 cards of one color. If he lays out 4 red and 3 orange, then would I be correct in telling him that he is wrong? Or, should I let him win?
So what I’m hearing is that there is such a thing as right and wrong? Under no circumstance is brown, green or red, yellow. Bread will always get moldy, you will always fall down.
So then what you are saying is that there is absolute truth. It doesn’t matter what you believe to be true. What matters is what is true. What do you think?
What kind of instrument is in that case. (guitar)
What does it look like? Describe it.
What color is it? How many sound holes does it have? How many strings does it have? What color are the strings?
Let’s see if you are right –
Let’s sing God Bless the USA (SHA)
After hearing all of this, how many of you would be willing to say that there is a such thing as right and wrong? You may think that to be a trick question, because what I am really getting at is making choices.
How about Hitler? Was what Hitler did wrong? How about Saddam Hussein? How about Ossama Bin Laden?
Why?
When Jesus was asked, “What is the greatest commandment?”
He answered
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. And the second is like it – Love your neighbor as yourself
These men devalued Human Life. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” The Old Testament says, “Do not commit murder” God created life and then told us what to do with it, and what not to do with it. That is why what they did was wrong.
Everything else is a consequence of the choices they made. The result is not what makes something right or wrong.
You have to make decisions all the time. You have to make decisions about drugs whether is pot, vicatin, ridlin, cocaine, extasy, or beer. Someone will ask you if you want some, and you will have to make a decision. You will have to make decisions about sex and about touching. Whether it’s holding hands, kissing, petting, or sex. You will be in the moment when you will want to, and you will have to make a decision.
The first verse that I ever learned was Psalm 119:9
How will a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to your word.
You have to set up limits. You need to know now what you will do. The best place to start to make those decisions is right here (the Bible).
Here’s what the Bible says
I warn you that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Against such things, there is no law
You have to make a decision. What do you want your life to look like?
If you step out of a plane, what direction will you go (up or down)?
Isaac Newton got hit on the head with an apple and discovered the law of gravity which will pull your body down towards the earth.
If I were to hold you by the hands and twirl you around, what would happen if I let go? Would you continue to go around in circles or would you go in a straight line?
The law of centripetal force would force your body to go in a straight line.
If I were to buy a loaf of bread, and let it sit out for a month would you eat it?
The 3rd law of Thermo Dynamics says that everything deteriorates as it ages.
Would you agree with this statement:
What is right for one person in any given situation might not be right for another person? Just because something is wrong for you, doesn’t mean it’s wrong for me.
Do you know anyone who is color blind?
Both of my brothers-in-law are color blind. There are two colors that look the same to him. He sees red and orange as the same, and he sees brown and green as the same.
What color is this (PPT)?
Would I be correct in saying that he is wrong when he calls green, brown or when he calls red, orange?
How about when we are playing a game that requires you to know the difference between the two? In Phase 10, the cards are green, yellow, red, and orange. You have to create a hand of 7 cards of one color. If he lays out 4 red and 3 orange, then would I be correct in telling him that he is wrong? Or, should I let him win?
So what I’m hearing is that there is such a thing as right and wrong? Under no circumstance is brown, green or red, yellow. Bread will always get moldy, you will always fall down.
So then what you are saying is that there is absolute truth. It doesn’t matter what you believe to be true. What matters is what is true. What do you think?
What kind of instrument is in that case. (guitar)
What does it look like? Describe it.
What color is it? How many sound holes does it have? How many strings does it have? What color are the strings?
Let’s see if you are right –
Let’s sing God Bless the USA (SHA)
After hearing all of this, how many of you would be willing to say that there is a such thing as right and wrong? You may think that to be a trick question, because what I am really getting at is making choices.
How about Hitler? Was what Hitler did wrong? How about Saddam Hussein? How about Ossama Bin Laden?
Why?
When Jesus was asked, “What is the greatest commandment?”
He answered
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. And the second is like it – Love your neighbor as yourself
These men devalued Human Life. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” The Old Testament says, “Do not commit murder” God created life and then told us what to do with it, and what not to do with it. That is why what they did was wrong.
Everything else is a consequence of the choices they made. The result is not what makes something right or wrong.
You have to make decisions all the time. You have to make decisions about drugs whether is pot, vicatin, ridlin, cocaine, extasy, or beer. Someone will ask you if you want some, and you will have to make a decision. You will have to make decisions about sex and about touching. Whether it’s holding hands, kissing, petting, or sex. You will be in the moment when you will want to, and you will have to make a decision.
The first verse that I ever learned was Psalm 119:9
How will a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to your word.
You have to set up limits. You need to know now what you will do. The best place to start to make those decisions is right here (the Bible).
Here’s what the Bible says
I warn you that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Against such things, there is no law
You have to make a decision. What do you want your life to look like?
7 Checkpoints: Moral Boundaries - Physical Intimacy Questions
***What do you think***
Is physical intimacy ever ok?
When would physical intimacy not be ok?
How far is too far?
How far do you think you would go?
What is intimacy?
What is purity?
Is purity important (why or why not)?
Is physical intimacy ever ok?
When would physical intimacy not be ok?
How far is too far?
How far do you think you would go?
What is intimacy?
What is purity?
Is purity important (why or why not)?
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